The human mind has a way of finding illusory patterns and connections. This is especially true where there are unknowns. Like a pre-scientific culture assigning a personal deity to a natural force like thunder long before weather phenomena were understood, we tend to perceive intentionality in all things and then construct elaborate personal and social mythologies that systematize our irrational hypotheses. This natural mythology construction gives us comfort; if we "get" what's happening, it allows us to think and act according to some plan or design, which alleviates anxiety about the unknown and makes us feel slightly more in control of our circumstances.
A mythology is an assemblage of narratives that codifies--consciously or unconsciously--a system of values, fears, anxieties, hopes, beliefs, and aspirations. The conscious mythology-engineering process is interesting, but the really fun part about mythology is how it can mirror a cultural (or even species-wide) collective unconscious.
As an aspiring storyteller, I get off on conspiracy theory. But I'm a fictionalist, not a journalist; it's not enough for me to sit back and observe conspiracy theories. I want to be able to see through the lens of conspiracy theory and make shaky connections of my own.
This year's Superbowl halftime show made it all too easy. I told everyone at my work party that the Madonna-led show was obviously a magic ritual. They scoffed (which is the appropriate response). And yet others seem to have claimed this in earnest. Does this means my brain is getting better at picking up on conspiracy theory connections? Good. It's like Paranoia Bingo, and I'm getting better at this game.
Now you can invent your own conspiracy theory in five easy steps.
- Identify an odd coincidence.
- Assume a clandestine connection. Assume anyone involved or associated is in on it. This is where the magic happens.
- Imagine the resources maintaining such a conspiracy would require. The vaster the conspiracy, the more resources it requires.
- Since you're assuming a conspiracy exists, you must infer that the conspirators have the means to employ such extensive resources. Thus the conspiracy must be vast and/or powerful.
- Since the conspiracy must be vast and/or powerful, you may widen the conspiracy theory accordingly by observing more coincidences and adding new connections. Done!
Protip: When in doubt, locate an eye in a pyramid. Those buggers are everywhere. It's like the free space in the middle. Assume: (1) everyone who has ever used a particular symbol is "in on it," and (2) the more tenuous the connections, the vaster the conspiracy.
Bonus points for every humanoid shape-shifting lizard your theory incorporates.
